Just Sing

I've been so unfair to hubby recently. After the last post I realized that I was being very bratty. I couldn't keep myself calm. I would make a sarcastic remark whenever I felt that he was being mean. I didn't want him to think that he could use me as a stress ball for all the stress he's been feeling. I know he doesn't say mean things at work. I know he keeps calm at work and only thinks mean things but never utters them. But as soon as he gets home he lashes out. It's only coz the work has been piling up and the post is driving him mad. He's waiting for the results of his board exams and we're really wondering now whether the results are on the way or if our local postman/lady screwed up our mail again.

Anyway, I'm not totally sorry that I said the mean things I've been saying for the past couple of days. In a way I got to show him that he couldn't take me for granted. I had to show him that I had feelings too and that I was unhappy. The weekend was quite bad coz we would snap at each other and then say sorry. But an hour later snap again and the whole cycle repeated itself. In fact, it happened again this afternoon. Hubby was supposed to be at work the whole day but he came back coz he wanted to spend time with me. First I thought "How sweet. " Then I thought "Oh great, I have to cook lunch." I wasn't planning on cooking anything big coz I normally just have a sandwich or a snack whenever he's not at home. I wasn't too upset, after all it's only a simple dish and I had taken out some vege to cut and dice for a dalca. But as soon as hubby got home he brought all the stress from work into the house. He was running all over trying to get things working on the laptop and then when I heard a noise I peaked around the kitchen door to ask what it was and he snapped back "Work. What did you think it was?". Oh my GAWD! I can't ask any questions anymore. He must think I'm prying into his life or something. Bloody hell. I rebelled and turned up the volume on the tv. Hmph... He slammed the study room door so he couldn't hear the tv.

Sound childish yet? Feel like slapping me around and telling me how immature I am? Hah.. beat you to it. I realized I really really can't let all these things get to me. I turned off the tv and started humming. So wierd ok. I used to sing a lot when I was younger. A LOT! In the shower, in the kitchen, while doing chores, while driving.... everywhere! I used to get scolded for singing so much. But hell, I never cared what other people said. I liked singing. I used to perform on stage. Heck, I've even won singing competitions before. (haha... couldn't resist putting that in). It was wierd to think that I had stopped singing.

So I sang. I sang the songs that I performed on stage 5 years ago, 10 years ago and all that was in between. It made me feel good. It made me feel so good. I felt my spirits lifting. I smiled. Hubby came out of the study room and started humming along. He came to me from behind and gave me a hug and said sorry again. I knew I wasn't mad at him anymore. I could really forgive him this time coz I was forgiving myself. And now I know how to keep myself calm. I need to remind myself to sing more. :)