Click

Yesterday hubby and I watched Click, the movie. Some twenty minutes into the movie hubby said "People should understand that the husband has to spend a lot of time at work so that he can provide the family with a good life. Doesn't the wife and children realize that if he spends less time at work they can't live the life they're living?". See, the character in the movie, Michael Newman has a wife and two darling children but he doesn't get to see them much coz he's putting in many many hours at the office. I think the story line of the movie struck a nerve in hubby. We're in the midst of moving up in the career world. Me finishing up my masters and him planning to open a new clinic with his colleagues. He is as busy as you can imagine - researching, meetings, presenting - all the "fun" stuff that is associated with starting any business. So this bit about working more hours and not having time for family (meaning our parents who live considerably far from us) or for other social events (he had to back out of free tickets to a concert coz he has a meeting) has crept considerably into our everyday conversation.

So anyway, there he was looking at me after making the statement. And in my head I know he wanted me to agree with him to show that I understand and consent to his need to work the extra hours "for the family". But at the same time I didn't want to totally agree either. You see, hubby has always been a hard worker. He goes the extra mile and despises "lazy people". He's the person his colleagues go to to ask if they can switch their shifts with coz he never says no. He's the one that works over Xmas and Thanksgiving coz no one else wants to. He never changes his call schedule coz unlike his colleagues who have weddings to attend, weekends planned and the like, hubby doesn't have these events to attend. He actually schedules fun/family time around his work schedule. I feel that he's sacrificed so much already for his company. So you can see why I was apprehensive towards his statement. BUT at the same time, I know how important it is that we work hard to ensure ourselves and our future children a good life. But where do we draw the line? And so I started thinking about my life and how hard my dad worked when I was growing up. (I tend to do this comparison thing - I don't know why). I distinctly remember my dad travelling a lot in his thirties and fourties. Sure we lived a good life, hubby says Im spoilt but I like to think of it as we're well-off. Dad wasn't always around but he definitely workd hard enough to pay for all the children's education and and other material things. The other thing I remember and am thankful for is that my mom was always with us. I think that gave us some compensation for not seeing dad that much. And so I said to hubby "You're right that he (the character in the movie) has to work to give his family the life they're living but we need to strike a balance. I remember my dad used to work a lot too and I always missed him whenever he went away. But mama was always there. He definitely gave us a good life but look at all of us now. Now that he has time to spend at home (dad recently retired), his daughter isn't around anymore." Hubby was quiet. Maybe I was too harsh? We dropped the subject but I'm sure we'll come around to it again in the future. Till then, I want to try and think about how I'd like our lives to be.

I remember my dad working hard and always travelling but we were all taught to understand that he was doing it for us. Plus whenever he wasn't working, he would take us to the local club for swimming and golf lessons. Sometimes at night he would sit with us while we were doing our homework while he would read through his many papers and reports. We would make trips back to the kampung (dad's hometown) every so often. Every two years we would go on a family vacation and looking back that must've cost a lot of money since there were 4 of us children and we would travel to far away countries which must've cost quite a bit. And looking back I was proud to have a father who was a hard worker and was recognized by other people in the industry. It gave a me a sense of pride. I'm still proud of the achievements he's making now.
So here's my hope for me and hubby. I hope that the two of us can recognize the importance of family and life. I hope to see that hubby doesn't plan family around his work but if he has to, I hope that he at least thinks about our responsibilities to our parents and the importance of keeping the ties we have with the family back in Malaysia. I hope he recognizes the need to plan ahead and that we should not let 2 years go by without seeing our parents.

I know he hopes that I will understand that he has to first work to be able to make the money for us to travel and see our parents. I know he hopes that I will be patient and not nag him about seeing our family every few months as he has already said that it is what we will do.

I hope that he will know when to take breaks in between those hours and hard work to move ahead and to get all that he wants in life. I hope that he remembers we also have a duty to God to ensure that not only our life on earth works well but also our afterlife.

Most of all, I hope that we will always be able to talk and come to a compromise.