Friends after marriage

E was someone I met in university. I felt I could understand her and she could understand me. We were both from KL and we both loved music and singing. We both had the same taste in food and since we were tiny eaters, we would always share a meal, be it pasta, fish and chips or a sandwich. She had such a caring nature about her. She was in a long distance relationship with her boyfriend and so was I. We had so many things in common. It was so easy to go to her for advise when my boyfriend and I were having a fight. It felt like she understood me so well. We ended up being housemates and going through so many different events at uni. She broke up with her bf but ended up dating someone on campus and I was there when she needed me. We performed for concerts together, went on student budget vacations together. Sheash.... I think we did everything together. She was even my maid of honor at my wedding reception (or the malays would say pengapit).

After we both graduated from university it was harder to keep in touch. I went back to my home country while she stayed on to do her masters. She wasn't really the type to write emails but I cherished the ones she sent. And I was so grateful that she came back for my wedding.

Fast forward 2 and some months later, I feel like I have lost a friend in E. You see, E got married in April. I was so excited for her when she first told me that she was getting hitched. She and her then bf had gone through so many trials and turbulations it was like a bollywood movie or like a drama swasta! I told her I would probably not be able to attend her wedding reception in the home country, but I would try to attend her religious event in England. I wasn't sure whether I was going to be able to go though. See, hubby doesn't have the luxury of leaving for a holiday and I wasn't too keen on travelling alone to the wedding. Plus my parents decided to visit us here. So just like that I informed E that I wasn't going to be able to attend her wedding. I had to write again to her and ask for forgiveness coz she never wrote back even after the wedding date had come and gone. She finally wrote back to say that she wasn't angry. And she asked whether I would be in Malaysia for the wedding reception. I knew I couldn't promise anything but wrote to say that I would try to make it. That was the last I heard from her.

A month after E's wedding I wrote again to make sure that she wasn't mad at me. I sent her an e-card to as it was her birthday. I know she viewed the card coz I got one of those emails to inform me that the receiver had viewed the e-card. I felt bad that she did not bother to write a simple thank you email. I grew more paranoid. Was I losing E's friendship? So I wrote another email to tell her about how hard it's been for me living in a foreign country and trying to please first and foremost my husband and then my family. I wrote about the times I reminisce about our friendship and how sorry I was that I couldn't be there on her special day. Still no word from her. Another month went by and I came across L who was a mutual friend back in the university days. Apparently L had gone to E's wedding reception in Malaysia and was wondering why I didn't go. Eventhough I knew that the wedding reception would be held sometime in that month, I was suprised that E didn't even bother to tell me when exactly it was going to be.

I still haven't heard from E. I've thought of all the reasons for her silence. Maybe she's still busy (she does have another wedding reception since she married a foreigner and they need to have another reception at the groom's home country). Maybe she's on her honeymoon? Maybe she's too busy to check her email? I can't make myself believe any of the said reasons would stop her from writing to me. I know she has internet connection. After all she's logged onto her online profile on that website that connects friends to each other. I know coz she's changed her profile and added stuff on it. If she has time for that, I'm sure she has the time to write to me. So sue me for being paranoid but I think she really is upset with me. Maybe it was because i didnt attend her wedding, maybe it's something else. I don't think I'll ever know.

Her wedding present is still in my room. Her ignorance has made me think twice about sending it to her. My pride has been hurt. I can't possibly write to her again to ask for forgiveness now, can I? One can only ask for forgiveness so many times. If she chooses to lose my friendship, I really can't do anything about it.

Mum says that my life has changed and marriage sometimes mean that you can't keep in touch with the friends you had before you got married. She tells me not to be paranoid and that I don't have to totally shut E out of my life. She says I should still keep E on my mailing list and that when important events happen in my life or a milestone passes, I can still write to E and share it with her. I felt sad when mum said all that. I thought that life wouldn't change just coz I got married. I've already lost A before this whole issue with E came about. Who else am I going to lose? Makes me sad to just think about it.