He passed!

Alhamdulillah, hubby passed his board exams. Phew..... It's been a stressful 3 weeks. He was extremely happy about it. AND not only did he pass, he actually received the highest marks out of all the parts of the multi-sectional exam he had taken. I was so happy I took him out for a nice lunch.

He couldn't stop smiling and he kept telling me that he feels so much better now. That he could not help but get really stressed out. His colleagues had all taken the exam and received their results and so he was worried why he had not gotten his. Now he's gonna go back to work and pretend that he failed. Tsk tsk... hubby the joker indeed.

I'm as happy and content as any wife would be for the successes of thier husband! Well done Sayang!

Just Sing

I've been so unfair to hubby recently. After the last post I realized that I was being very bratty. I couldn't keep myself calm. I would make a sarcastic remark whenever I felt that he was being mean. I didn't want him to think that he could use me as a stress ball for all the stress he's been feeling. I know he doesn't say mean things at work. I know he keeps calm at work and only thinks mean things but never utters them. But as soon as he gets home he lashes out. It's only coz the work has been piling up and the post is driving him mad. He's waiting for the results of his board exams and we're really wondering now whether the results are on the way or if our local postman/lady screwed up our mail again.

Anyway, I'm not totally sorry that I said the mean things I've been saying for the past couple of days. In a way I got to show him that he couldn't take me for granted. I had to show him that I had feelings too and that I was unhappy. The weekend was quite bad coz we would snap at each other and then say sorry. But an hour later snap again and the whole cycle repeated itself. In fact, it happened again this afternoon. Hubby was supposed to be at work the whole day but he came back coz he wanted to spend time with me. First I thought "How sweet. " Then I thought "Oh great, I have to cook lunch." I wasn't planning on cooking anything big coz I normally just have a sandwich or a snack whenever he's not at home. I wasn't too upset, after all it's only a simple dish and I had taken out some vege to cut and dice for a dalca. But as soon as hubby got home he brought all the stress from work into the house. He was running all over trying to get things working on the laptop and then when I heard a noise I peaked around the kitchen door to ask what it was and he snapped back "Work. What did you think it was?". Oh my GAWD! I can't ask any questions anymore. He must think I'm prying into his life or something. Bloody hell. I rebelled and turned up the volume on the tv. Hmph... He slammed the study room door so he couldn't hear the tv.

Sound childish yet? Feel like slapping me around and telling me how immature I am? Hah.. beat you to it. I realized I really really can't let all these things get to me. I turned off the tv and started humming. So wierd ok. I used to sing a lot when I was younger. A LOT! In the shower, in the kitchen, while doing chores, while driving.... everywhere! I used to get scolded for singing so much. But hell, I never cared what other people said. I liked singing. I used to perform on stage. Heck, I've even won singing competitions before. (haha... couldn't resist putting that in). It was wierd to think that I had stopped singing.

So I sang. I sang the songs that I performed on stage 5 years ago, 10 years ago and all that was in between. It made me feel good. It made me feel so good. I felt my spirits lifting. I smiled. Hubby came out of the study room and started humming along. He came to me from behind and gave me a hug and said sorry again. I knew I wasn't mad at him anymore. I could really forgive him this time coz I was forgiving myself. And now I know how to keep myself calm. I need to remind myself to sing more. :)

Moody

Hubby is not in a good mood. I tend to stay away from him when he's stressed and snappy like he is now. In the past I would stand and listen to what he has to say and try to empathise. But lately I've felt that I always have to listen to his problems, but he never listens to mine. I think maybe I'm being selfish. Alah... I'll bet you all would say that I am. So yeah, I'm selfish. But see, I've sacrificed so much of my life to be with him here. I've had to leave my friends, my family, the job that I loved so much and the place I call home just so that he can achieve the career that he wants. Being able to be away from gossipy relatives and the bad attitude of malays is a bonus for him too. So I can't help feeling a little bit bitter you know? Here I am in a foreign country and I can't even let other people know that I'm his official wife coz of stupid visa issues. I had this huge plan of going to a prestigious school to do my masters degree but because there aren't any top schools in the area we're living in I'm now pursueing my masters in this not so well known school. Heck, it's like listed in the third tier of the top schools in the USA. That doesn't mean a lot at al coz that's like #300 or something like thatl. So I'm top of the class - I'm quite happy about that coz I've never been top of the class, but sigh sigh sigh.... if we ever leave this state no company will know of this university and even care if I finished first or last in the class. I'd be competing with students from more well know universities after all. Anyway yeah, that's why I'm bitter. And there's nothing anyone can do about it.

Hubby is playing video games and I'm surfing the WWW. If I go sit by him I'll start talking nonsense and bringing up this bitterness which I don't like to bring up to often. As it is I've been nagging him about so many things. Don't want him to feel unhappy everytime he's at home now do we? I won't be a very good wife if I did that. I'm trying so hard to look at the more positive things in life. So, nagging and being bitter and snapping at hubby is a no-no today. *breath* Be strong!

Tun Dr. M

I was shocked to read the article in The Star today about Tun Dr. Mahathir and how he was sprayed with pepper spray.

I couldn't help but think teruknya! That's just insensitive. Sure Tun Dr. M has made comments recently that have made other people's blood boil, but physical actions against him is not right at all. I cannot imagine anyone sinking so low to make a point. It just makes me really sad. Can't we sit down and talk intelligently when opinions differ? Don't we have the respect and dignity to do what's right instead of just smearing other people? All the debate and talk recently between politicians makes me think that they are greedy, disrespectful and childish. Greedy for money and power, disrespectful to those older and wiser than you and childish for using cheap tactics like pepper spraying someone you don't like.

I swear, I've never felt so sad for a politician before. Maybe it's because I've been away from home for so long. The coruption and cronyism just screams out so much now that I'm watching it from afar. It's just so so sad.

I can almost see my own race crumbling. Here are all these people who work hard and slave their butts off to earn a living. But look at the bangsa melayu surrounding themselves with meaningless gossip (like the upcoming wedding of a certain celebrity and a corporate divorcee). Do they care about working hard? Takpe, takpayah. After all we're protected. Then there are the people who are supposed to lead us rakyat but are steeped in their own wealth and what power they have left. They let themselves be buttered up by people who need new projects and businesses. You want a stake in the new $$$$ project? Sure! Just sponsor my family's trip overseas. I'll make sure you get a stake in it.

Living in Malaysia is almost discouraging as a thought for me now. I can't be as powerful as those who can "pull some strings" to get anything done. You're not a "dato'"? Uh, please move to the back of the line. I'm going to ignore you coz you're not important. You're a malay? You can't work here coz we don't like your race. But of course we won't say it out loud. We'll say that speaking mandarin is required in the job description.

Maybe living overseas in this country that most of the world hates isn't that bad after all. Eventhough we're nothing more than a speck of dust, we still get fairness (most of the time anyway). We make more money as a newcomer in the career rung compared to one in Malaysia who has been promoted over and over. There's so much choice as a consumer and what a bargain hunter's haven this place is. Would I say that it's better than my birth country? Probably not. But wouldn't it be lovely if it was as cheap to live in Malaysia and that you could demand respect and service because it's expected from a service provider, not because of your rank? Wouldn't it be lovely if people minded their own business and do less gossiping? Wouldn't it be lovely that people aren't judgemental but are open to your thoughts and opinion and thrive on healthy debates? I think it'd be the best place to live in. :)

Friends after marriage

E was someone I met in university. I felt I could understand her and she could understand me. We were both from KL and we both loved music and singing. We both had the same taste in food and since we were tiny eaters, we would always share a meal, be it pasta, fish and chips or a sandwich. She had such a caring nature about her. She was in a long distance relationship with her boyfriend and so was I. We had so many things in common. It was so easy to go to her for advise when my boyfriend and I were having a fight. It felt like she understood me so well. We ended up being housemates and going through so many different events at uni. She broke up with her bf but ended up dating someone on campus and I was there when she needed me. We performed for concerts together, went on student budget vacations together. Sheash.... I think we did everything together. She was even my maid of honor at my wedding reception (or the malays would say pengapit).

After we both graduated from university it was harder to keep in touch. I went back to my home country while she stayed on to do her masters. She wasn't really the type to write emails but I cherished the ones she sent. And I was so grateful that she came back for my wedding.

Fast forward 2 and some months later, I feel like I have lost a friend in E. You see, E got married in April. I was so excited for her when she first told me that she was getting hitched. She and her then bf had gone through so many trials and turbulations it was like a bollywood movie or like a drama swasta! I told her I would probably not be able to attend her wedding reception in the home country, but I would try to attend her religious event in England. I wasn't sure whether I was going to be able to go though. See, hubby doesn't have the luxury of leaving for a holiday and I wasn't too keen on travelling alone to the wedding. Plus my parents decided to visit us here. So just like that I informed E that I wasn't going to be able to attend her wedding. I had to write again to her and ask for forgiveness coz she never wrote back even after the wedding date had come and gone. She finally wrote back to say that she wasn't angry. And she asked whether I would be in Malaysia for the wedding reception. I knew I couldn't promise anything but wrote to say that I would try to make it. That was the last I heard from her.

A month after E's wedding I wrote again to make sure that she wasn't mad at me. I sent her an e-card to as it was her birthday. I know she viewed the card coz I got one of those emails to inform me that the receiver had viewed the e-card. I felt bad that she did not bother to write a simple thank you email. I grew more paranoid. Was I losing E's friendship? So I wrote another email to tell her about how hard it's been for me living in a foreign country and trying to please first and foremost my husband and then my family. I wrote about the times I reminisce about our friendship and how sorry I was that I couldn't be there on her special day. Still no word from her. Another month went by and I came across L who was a mutual friend back in the university days. Apparently L had gone to E's wedding reception in Malaysia and was wondering why I didn't go. Eventhough I knew that the wedding reception would be held sometime in that month, I was suprised that E didn't even bother to tell me when exactly it was going to be.

I still haven't heard from E. I've thought of all the reasons for her silence. Maybe she's still busy (she does have another wedding reception since she married a foreigner and they need to have another reception at the groom's home country). Maybe she's on her honeymoon? Maybe she's too busy to check her email? I can't make myself believe any of the said reasons would stop her from writing to me. I know she has internet connection. After all she's logged onto her online profile on that website that connects friends to each other. I know coz she's changed her profile and added stuff on it. If she has time for that, I'm sure she has the time to write to me. So sue me for being paranoid but I think she really is upset with me. Maybe it was because i didnt attend her wedding, maybe it's something else. I don't think I'll ever know.

Her wedding present is still in my room. Her ignorance has made me think twice about sending it to her. My pride has been hurt. I can't possibly write to her again to ask for forgiveness now, can I? One can only ask for forgiveness so many times. If she chooses to lose my friendship, I really can't do anything about it.

Mum says that my life has changed and marriage sometimes mean that you can't keep in touch with the friends you had before you got married. She tells me not to be paranoid and that I don't have to totally shut E out of my life. She says I should still keep E on my mailing list and that when important events happen in my life or a milestone passes, I can still write to E and share it with her. I felt sad when mum said all that. I thought that life wouldn't change just coz I got married. I've already lost A before this whole issue with E came about. Who else am I going to lose? Makes me sad to just think about it.

Polygamy

MACVAYSIA wrote an article in Dina Zaman's I am Muslim column about muslim men in Malaysia who cheat on their wives. Like his wife, I too have opinions about malay men (I say malay coz even though they're muslim, most people don't practice the religion). Some are probably generalized but it just seems to happen so much that if it's a minority who are doing it, it seems like the whole population of malay men are condoning it even if they themselves don't do it. It - well "it" can be many things but I've observed the following mostly:

1. Malay men want to have a virgin as their wife. They want to have a wife who is conservative and stays at home. The husbands on the other hand still like to go out with the boys to clubs and enjoy themselves with "loose" girls. BUT they're wife cannot be like the girl the husbands enjoy spending time with.
   
2. Malay men smoke. There are very little who do not.
   
3. Malay men do not practice the muslim religion but when it comes to polygamy they know exactly which verse in the quran which allows them to have more than one wife.
   

I am happy to say that my search for an ideal husband who does not believe in the above was successful. Nauzubillah my husband will suddenly adopt any of the above thinking. I cannot say the same for my friends who are still searching thought.

The men who commented on MACVAYSIA's article all defended their needs for multiple wives with reasons as valid as the quran states it's allowed to ridiculous ones such as "men can't help but think about sex". It made me dissappointed but also angry at the same time. Won't they feel the way women feel about sharing their husbands if it was the other way around? What if they had to share their wife with another man? Sure the quran allows for more than one wife, but the condition is that the husband has to be fair to all their wives. Can any man really do that? Can they love both (or all) their wives equally? And doesn't Allah permit for a man to marry more than one due to the needs the other women have? It's not because men cannot control their sexual desire. It's more for the reason of helping women who are in trouble and cannot live on their own.

What about the children who are involved? My uncle has three wives and none of the children are happy. They feel neglected by their father. Another friend of mine had to go beg for money from her stepmother because the father had not been back to her home in a long time. The stepmother isn't a very nice lady and actually scolded my friend for stepping foot in her house.

I'm sure in an ideal world women could be at peace with the idea of their husband marrying another. The wives would live in the same house or maybe very near to each other. The husband loves both wives equally and provides for both wives and children fairly. The children feel loved and blessed for having two mothers and a father to look after them and care for them. The children from both mothers get along well and regard the other as their own sibling. They grow up to be successful people.

To get to this ideal situation I believe the man has to have very strong characterstics to help him teach good values to his children, to be fair to his wives and to be faithful to The Almighty. First he has to be involved with the family - to be the provider and the leader of the family. Or else how would he know what goes on between the two or three wives? He has to be firm in his direction yet loving and understanding to ensure that his wives do not have ill feelings towards the other. He has to make enough money to sustain both families and ensure that one is not getting less than the other and that all his children have equal opportunity to get the best education available to them. He has to honest and truthful at all times. He has to know that being allowed to have more than one wife is a huge responsibility and not solely to ensure he has an outlet for his endless need for sex. I think it takes a very strong and patient man to achieve harmony between his wives.

As much as I would like to think that there are men of that nature who can step up to the plate and prove that polygamy has more benefits than drawbacks, I have yet to see a polygamous marriage that didn't result in women fighting, children fighting while the man boasts about his good fortune.

Sex Bomb! Sex Bomb!

Ok, so I'm not that old ok. But when I got a chance to see the famous Tom Jones perform, I couldn't refuse the offer. I never knew who he was until I got hold of one of his CDs. The one where he had duets with many younger singers. I thought for an old dude he seemed really active and he still had a strong voice! Plus his songs were nice to listen to and dance to. I told mum that I was going to go see Tom Jones and she laughed. Didn't think that I knew who Tom Jones even was! Hah!

Well anyhoo, there I was with a few other friends - one who knew who Tom Jones is and the other was there coz well, it was a free concert - why not check out who this guy is. We got to the venue and it was raining cats and dogs. We were worried that we would be soaking wet coz the seats we had were actually in the open air section - no roof!! Luckily with some sweet talking we were allowed to sit in the area that was covered.

The opening act was by Etta James. I'm not sure who she is. I know she's famous but the only song I recognized was At Lastt. Love that song so much I used it for one of the clips we put together and presented at one of the wedding reception. But we used the version sung by Celine Dion.

Anyway, the three of us had fun watching the kind of people that were there at the concert. All the makcik-makcik (older ladies) looked so excited. There were a few young people our age too. One guy sounded like he was from England and was sitting behind us. He kept telling his friends that they'd be tapping their foot to the songs later on. Guess the others didn't know who Tom Jones was either. haha. Once the concert started we danced and sang our hearts out. Ok, it was a bit icky watching this old guy move his hips and pulling up his shirt to show his chest but the makcik-makcik loved it! Panties were being thrown onto the stage from different angles. Women in their 50s and above were shaking their tush to the songs. Even the men were grabbing their wives for a dance. Watching the audience was as entertaining as watching the performer on stage!

We left with high spirits and laughed our way back home. I was glad to have friends to enjoy the outing with. Being away from my home country, I sometimes wish I could have the strong friendship I have with my friends back in KL. Those friendships have lasted all through secondary school and into our late 20s. It's harder to do that here coz most of the locals here have their own sets of friends (just like I would have my own set of friends in KL). The international students at the university are a good bunch to hang out with but most of them leave to work elsewhere. So you're close for a few months and then you don't see them again. I'll have to see how it goes for me once I finish school. We're probably staying on coz hubby is setting up that business here. So ideally I'd like to build a friendship with someone who will be staying on here too.

Click

Yesterday hubby and I watched Click, the movie. Some twenty minutes into the movie hubby said "People should understand that the husband has to spend a lot of time at work so that he can provide the family with a good life. Doesn't the wife and children realize that if he spends less time at work they can't live the life they're living?". See, the character in the movie, Michael Newman has a wife and two darling children but he doesn't get to see them much coz he's putting in many many hours at the office. I think the story line of the movie struck a nerve in hubby. We're in the midst of moving up in the career world. Me finishing up my masters and him planning to open a new clinic with his colleagues. He is as busy as you can imagine - researching, meetings, presenting - all the "fun" stuff that is associated with starting any business. So this bit about working more hours and not having time for family (meaning our parents who live considerably far from us) or for other social events (he had to back out of free tickets to a concert coz he has a meeting) has crept considerably into our everyday conversation.

So anyway, there he was looking at me after making the statement. And in my head I know he wanted me to agree with him to show that I understand and consent to his need to work the extra hours "for the family". But at the same time I didn't want to totally agree either. You see, hubby has always been a hard worker. He goes the extra mile and despises "lazy people". He's the person his colleagues go to to ask if they can switch their shifts with coz he never says no. He's the one that works over Xmas and Thanksgiving coz no one else wants to. He never changes his call schedule coz unlike his colleagues who have weddings to attend, weekends planned and the like, hubby doesn't have these events to attend. He actually schedules fun/family time around his work schedule. I feel that he's sacrificed so much already for his company. So you can see why I was apprehensive towards his statement. BUT at the same time, I know how important it is that we work hard to ensure ourselves and our future children a good life. But where do we draw the line? And so I started thinking about my life and how hard my dad worked when I was growing up. (I tend to do this comparison thing - I don't know why). I distinctly remember my dad travelling a lot in his thirties and fourties. Sure we lived a good life, hubby says Im spoilt but I like to think of it as we're well-off. Dad wasn't always around but he definitely workd hard enough to pay for all the children's education and and other material things. The other thing I remember and am thankful for is that my mom was always with us. I think that gave us some compensation for not seeing dad that much. And so I said to hubby "You're right that he (the character in the movie) has to work to give his family the life they're living but we need to strike a balance. I remember my dad used to work a lot too and I always missed him whenever he went away. But mama was always there. He definitely gave us a good life but look at all of us now. Now that he has time to spend at home (dad recently retired), his daughter isn't around anymore." Hubby was quiet. Maybe I was too harsh? We dropped the subject but I'm sure we'll come around to it again in the future. Till then, I want to try and think about how I'd like our lives to be.

I remember my dad working hard and always travelling but we were all taught to understand that he was doing it for us. Plus whenever he wasn't working, he would take us to the local club for swimming and golf lessons. Sometimes at night he would sit with us while we were doing our homework while he would read through his many papers and reports. We would make trips back to the kampung (dad's hometown) every so often. Every two years we would go on a family vacation and looking back that must've cost a lot of money since there were 4 of us children and we would travel to far away countries which must've cost quite a bit. And looking back I was proud to have a father who was a hard worker and was recognized by other people in the industry. It gave a me a sense of pride. I'm still proud of the achievements he's making now.
So here's my hope for me and hubby. I hope that the two of us can recognize the importance of family and life. I hope to see that hubby doesn't plan family around his work but if he has to, I hope that he at least thinks about our responsibilities to our parents and the importance of keeping the ties we have with the family back in Malaysia. I hope he recognizes the need to plan ahead and that we should not let 2 years go by without seeing our parents.

I know he hopes that I will understand that he has to first work to be able to make the money for us to travel and see our parents. I know he hopes that I will be patient and not nag him about seeing our family every few months as he has already said that it is what we will do.

I hope that he will know when to take breaks in between those hours and hard work to move ahead and to get all that he wants in life. I hope that he remembers we also have a duty to God to ensure that not only our life on earth works well but also our afterlife.

Most of all, I hope that we will always be able to talk and come to a compromise.

Coz It Smells Like You

Last night hubby got called in to work at 9pm. It's normal for him to have to go in the middle of the night and stay on till the next morning. Sometimes he comes home to shower and change before going back in again. Last night he left and it felt so odd not having him next to me in bed that I ended up taking one of his slightly used t-shirts and wearing it to bed. He found me in it this morning and asked why I was in his clothing instead of my usual pyjamas and I said "Coz it smells like you".

Has anyone heard of this before? I think it's sort of a malay culture (or maybe not). When I was younger dad had to travel out of the country at least once a month and sometimes he would be gone for 3 weeks or more. Mum would keep some of the slightly used clothing that dad had worn to sleep so that if we missed him all we had to do was take one of those item of clothing and sniff it. I would think, "Yup... that smells like dad alright!". And off I'd go to play as I didn't seem to miss him as much anymore. Smell therapy maybe? I think it really is powerful.

I remember an aunt of mine who kept all the bedsheets and clothing of a my late cousin as it was the closest thing she had to having her daughter alive and by her side again. My uncle thought it was safe to wash all the items after many months of losing his daughter, but not my aunt. It was quite heartbreaking to see her get upset with her husband for doing what he did. Some people I know commented on how she had to move on with her life. But I was thinking, dude! She lost her daughter. Let her mourn and handle this the way she wants to. Just because she holds on to things doesn't mean she hasn't moved on. Sometimes I think other people believe that the only way someone has moved on is if that person never thinks about a lost one nor talk about the person they've lost. Sure that may be the case if you've broken up from a relationship.... but not when the person passes away. But of course if a reminder of the person they've lost hinders them from living their life as they should, well... that's a different story.

World Cup Withdrawal Symptoms

Argh.... the world cup is over. Whatever will I do during the days now? The Italy vs France match was really exciting! That's the way I like it! Full of drama and action. It was just too bad that Zinadine Zidane had to retire from international football the way he did. Hubby has a sneaking suspicion that Zidane did what he did coz the Italian dude made some derogatory religious remarks. Isn't Zidane a m@slim? The most popular relig!0n to degrade isn't it? It's been a day after the game now but no one in either team will say what it was that Materazzi said that provoked Zidane so much. Bet it was racist. We'll see in a few days.

I talked about the cooking session me and a friend of mine had the other day. I must say the results were very good. The food was a hit at the worldcup viewing party we had a friend's place. Later after the end of the party we went to the beach to play volleyball. It was loads of fun even if I wasn't very good. Never learnt to play the game before. Hubby's been really patient with teaching me how to play all the sports I never played in school.

You know, learning all about these new sports has got me thinking about how un-athletic I was in school. I remember one of the earliest memories I have about being put in a race and I think I finished second out of five races but I really didn't feel very fast. Other kids at school seemed to run so fast and I think the reason I was so slow is because I was quite chubby in school. Hubby says that some people have talent but most people can be trained to run faster, jump higher and spike harder. I wonder if I could've been more athletic had the school I went to expose all schoolchildren to sports, and not just the obvious talented ones. Hopefully my kids will be given the chance to train and practice to become more athletic and not just cast aside due to height or weight.

Mari Memasak

That's "Let's Cook" in Malay. Today a friend of mine is coming over to help prepare some yummy dishes for a special occassion tomorrow. In Malaysia I don't ever remember mum having people over to help cook for a special occassion. We always have caterers. Not that we're lazy. No sir! Even back in the kampung (village/hometown) my aunt would cook as she owns a catering business. I do know for a fact though that the traditional way of cooking used to be that a whole bunch of ladies would get together the night before an event to cook for maybe 50 or more people since many families always include that many people. They'd dice, chop, cook and stir in between all the gossiping that only ladies can do.

I'm suprised that I'm comfortable with the idea of cooking with other ladies of the same background for a special function here in this country. The last time we had a barbaque, the ladies were the ones standing around the barbaque grill while the men hung around playing frisbee and volleyball. An American friend actually pointed that out since she's always used to seeing a man standing by his grill and guarding the grill with his life. Funny how we asians still bring our culture and norms across the seas. I suppose it's because we have to depend on ourselves to conjure a dish similar to the ones served by the caterers back in our home country.

Anyway, tonight hopefully will be fun and interesting. We're cooking 3 dishes. Maybe I'll take pictures and put them up here.

Undomestic - really!

I like to think of myself as a fairly neat person. Now, growing up I've always had to take care of my own room, own clothes, bathroom, yadda yadda eventhough we had a maid. My mother took good care to ensure that my brothers and I learn to help with the chores around the kitchen (cleaning up after we had our dinner - we took turns washing the dishes, sweeping the floor, clearing the table). The maid cooked and cleaned the general area of the house, but we vacuumed our own rooms did our own laundry and ironed our own clothes. I thought this was normal in every household - until I met a friend who complained that she and her sisters were always asked to do chores in the kitchen while her brothers didn't have to do so. I thought that her family was a bit conservative. I vowed then that my children - male or female would do the same chores. I thought it was going to be easy and that my future husband would want the same too. After all, all my other male cousins didn't mind doing "womenly" chores. And I helped with the washing of the car, taking out the garbage and assemble furniture when it was needed. Fairness and equality right?

Fast forward to 2004 I was extremely suprised to learn that my husband also has the "women in the kitchen" mentality too. Don't mean to sound harsh. Maybe there's a nicer term for that? Anyway, if you read my previous entry you know that my husband and I had a long distance relationship before we got married. I moved to live with him and his parents and it was only then that I really learnt a lot about him and how he grew up. Turns out that his mother never let the boys in the kitchen. So he never had to clean up after himself. Never had to wash the dishes, never had to do his own laundry. I don't really know about cleaning his own bathroom, although I think he never had to do that either coz last time I left him for 3 weeks to visit my family I came back to a filthy bathroom. I mean, it wasn't all that filthy..... but I could tell that water deposits had started building in certain parts of the shower stall and well, you can just imagine what happens in a damp area. Oops, I digress.

I call myself the undomestic diva coz I really do try to keep up with the household chores and keep our home clean and tidy. But it's so hard when it feels like I'm picking up after another person. I mean really, is it so hard to throw a used shirt in the dirty laundry area of the room? Everyday I'm picking up after shirts and pants that are lying around the apartment. So sometimes I just leave the dirty things lying around - undomestic? Yeah. And diva I am too. Can't help it. I make a big fuss. I scream and complain when things aren't done a certain way. Pretender? yes.

I think the other thing that hinders us from having a really nice home that's spick and span is that hubby's idea of neat is different than mine. Me? I don't like things that are on the floor (how to vacuum and mop when there are things on the floor?). I like them organized into drawers, cabinets or shelves. Him? He thinks small piles of magazines and papers lying on the floor in systematic order is neat. I like the printer on top of the desk, but since there's no space he says we should put it on the floor. I like the car trunk completely empty so that we can put stuff inside when we need to. He uses it as a trash can. Oh, this is ridiculous I could go on and on.

Oh well, gotta love him for all the positive things that he is. It's just wierd though. To think that someone as independent, strong, intelligent as hubby still needs someone like me to make sure that his home is clean and neat, his food is on the table and that he has a partner to play games, sports and other activities with. Tell you what though - my children will learn to help with the chores and daddy can very well show a good example by helping out or not. That's his choice.

Introduction

I was sitting around reading other people's blog when I felt the urge to start my own. I'm going for the anonymous blogger concept coz well, I want to keep things private, but at the same time I'd like an avenue where I can write about my feelings and experiences. So, all names of people and places have been changed to protect the innocent.

A little background about said blogger might help. I'm past the age where other people start getting what is known as the quarter-life crisis. But I haven't reached the big three-oh yet. Lived most of my life in good ole Malaysia. Now I live abroad with my hubby. We've been together for more than 5 years but sometimes it seems like we're still the young naive couple that we were when we first met.

I think my life's been pretty interesting. Never had a serious boyfriend growing up. I was shy. Plus I have this thing about doing what I think my parents would want me to do. And I thought they didn't want me to have a boyfriend till I had finished school. (Little did I know that my mom was worried that I was a lesbien coz it didn't seem like I was interested in boys!). Anyway, my first realy boyfriend is now my hubby. What's interesting about our relationship is that we started off with a long distance relationship. I was studying in Britain and he in the US. We never really spent more than 2 months together throughout the courting stage of our relationship. When we got married I moved to live with him in the country he's always known and grown up in. It's been 2 years since I've uprooted myself from my home country to be with him. And this blog I think will be about my life in a foreign place. Nothing special. Just a journal. A journal of an undomestic diva.