Tis the start of a new semester

Hoooooo boy! It's only the third day of the semester but I'm feeling burnt out! Between evening classes, working, training the new graduate assistants and home chores, it's no wonder I don't have time for myself anymore. So much for the caffiene-free lifestyle I started to adopt 2 months ago. I caved in today. I couldn't stand the feeling of zoning out during lectures after a long day in the office. The good thing though, is that I have only a semester left and I am planning to graduate soon. Now if only the job hunt will be easy-peasy......

comic taken from http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh/images/03/officedecaf.htm

Friend's History

Toonie, a friend of mine started a blog. Anonymously at first, but told me about the blog a year ago. I didn't look at it till recently. What I found was suprising. She wrote about being molested as a child. She's never revealed that to me before. What would you do if you read such an entry? I feel inclined to write to her and ask if there's anything I could do or if she wants to talk about it. But what if she wrote the blog entry thinking that none of her friends would read it? Sometimes I think there are certain issues that friends don't want to speak or talk about. I'll have to thread this issue carefully.

On another note, hubby exploded this weekend as I stupidly once again moan about being homesick and wanting to plan our lives so that we can visit our, oops I mean my friends and family in KL. Does anyone else who live abroad have this problem? It's hard when only my family is back in KL while his is over here in the US. Flying and switching planes all 30 hours probably doesn't seem as attractive to a person who 1) Can only take vacations 7 days at a time, 2) Views visiting relatives and friends as a chore 3) Has to think about his career which doesn't seem like it's going anywhere at the moment.

Note to self: Sabar

Best of Friends

Sunshine and I have been friends for almost 17 years now. That's quite an accomplishment for me coz I don't make friends very easily. I grew up thinking that if you weren't in the same class anymore, you didn't really have to keep in touch. And so I always had a new close friend every year I changed classmates. But somehow Sunshine remained one of my good buddies. It's hard to say why we stayed so close. My parents didn't approve of our friendship and some of the teachers at school would come up to me and tell me to stay away from such a bad influence. But I couldn't understand why they saw Sunshine that way. She was, in my eyes, extremely smart (always top 5 in class), had self-confidence (which I lacked), played the keyboard (I played the piano) and was pretty popular with the other girls and guys at school. And eventhough she had rebellious streaks once a while, she never ever expected me to do the stuff she did. She excepted me to be the goody two shoes that I was. She trusted me with her secrets as I trusted her with mine. My confidence grew everyday I was hanging out with her. She would lift my spirits when I was down and praise me for my maturity and calmness. I wasn't going to stop being friends with her just because the "adults" thought that she was a bad influence.

I saw Sunshine go thorugh a lot of troubled times when she became a teenager. I saw her live that hormonal teen that was always potrayed on TV. She had found a new best friend but we would all still hang out together. Our group of friends grew bigger each year too. Although there was always the pressure to fit in, the other girls always made sure that I wasn't involved in skipping classes or end up in girl fights in the bathroom coz I was "the good one". And eventhough I didn't break any rules, I still felt quite attached to the group. I felt secure... my grades were good, I had a good set of friends and I wasn't getting into trouble. Those years really were the best years of my life.

Once I got into college I couldn't find that same closeness that I had with Sunshine in anyone else. So even through college and university - when I was away for months at a time and my life was going in a different direction than Sunshine and the other girls, we always kept in touch. I thought that we would all slowly drift apart over the years but I was quite wrong. Everytime I was back in KL for a holiday Sunshine always made me feel welcomed. She knew all about my life and my new set of friends abroad. She would try to update me with the going ons in her life too. Over the next few years many of the girls that we considered our best friends would not be our best friends anymore. I hate to think of it as a backstabbing issue or trust issue. But I think we all sort of moved towards a different set of values and characteristics that we thought were important in a friend. Needless to say, the group of girls that were always tight started breaking into two separate pieces. That was 6 years ago and even to this day some things just can't be mended. Sunshine and I remained the best of friends though.

Sunshine and her then bf introduced me to a great guy who I am now married to. The preparation that went behind the introduction still tickles me to this very day. I feel forever thankful to have had the chance to meet this awesome man. (Well, at that time it was awesome-lah. Now it's a little bit down to earth. We have our shares of fights and disagreements. It's a little bit closer to reality). Sunshine always looked out for me. I didn't think she was looking out for a man for me too. :p

Our friendship grew even closer when she had to go through a life-threatening event. I think these kinds of events tend to change ones perspective of life. It definitely changed Sunshine's perspective of life. She tried to shed the rebelion in her and live her life as a better muslim. Friends from our past would expect to see the sarcastic, sometimes insensitive side of Sunshine but suprise, suprise... it wouldn't be there anymore. She mellowed out. She made ammends with the people she had fights with. She started to forgive and forget. And she started to feel thankful for the family she thought would never understand her. She grew up.

Somehow me being present at this life changing event when all others were absent made Sunshine and I grow even closer. And now, out of all the gals in our group... Sunshine and I are the only ones who have been married for more than a year, who are living abroad with our hubbies and who both pursued a master's degree. I feel like she's the only person who can understand me and I hate to think about her impending departure for our home country. All throughout the years of loneliness that I've felt being so far away from friends and family, Sunshine has always been able to cheer me up. She had always shown just the right amount of empathy and then turn the situation around to show the more positive things in my life. She's surely embarking on a new chapter in her life. I know things are going to change and that a friendship can only be strong and tight if both parties strive hard to make it work. And so I hope that her departure won't be the start of a downfall in our friendship. Things are sure going to change.... but I hope it doesn't change that much.

Sunshine, you don't know about this blog but if you come across it and think hey, is this Chipmunk? Haha... well, you've found me. And no matter how much you say I don't ever have to say thank you....... u know me, I just must! So thank you for being the friend that you have always been, the friend that you are, and hopefully the friend that you will alway be!

*Sorry if this is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too sappy for some of you. Blame the PMS

Summer is coming to an end

Well, that's it. One more week and I go back to university. This summer holiday has been utterly eventless. I didn't visit my family back in KL. I didn't get the internship I was hoping to get. I've been applying to full-time jobs in the hopes that I get a job when I graduate in December. But the ones that I've had calls from the company say that they want to fill the position immediately so I can't really interview for those jobs since I'm still a full-time student. I didn't go on a holiday since hubby is working. Oh the list could go on and on. I think I'm having PMS. I just hope no one comments on my weight gain once classes start. How depressing that would be.

Not so newlywed

Yesterday I came across a write up about cheating men entitled "Danger Zone: The Married Man" on this blogger's site. We all think about the younger woman who's dating a married man as a hussy but really, could it be the man's own doing that encouraged the younger woman to fall in love with him? Growing up I've heard mum's friends talk about cheap younger women yang tak sedar diri who go after their rich, successful husband. I never hear about how awful it was that their husband started a relationship with a younger, prettier woman. It really is hard to believe that the husband that courted you in your younger days, the one you fed and showered with love all throughout your marriage, the one you gave supported to when he was having trouble or struggling in the earlier days of a career would do such a horrible thing such as flirt with another woman right? Or maybe every other woman knows deep down it is the husband's fault, but it's easier to get angry at the younger hussy. Well, I always thought that if the husband truly loves his wife, he wouldn't even get into a situation that would lead him to cheat on his wife. But maybe men aren't as strong as I think they are?

I'm sure all women have some sort of gut feeling that it could happen to them - the husband cheating on them that is. I can go into full blown paranoia mode if I think too hard about the what ifs in life. But I'm glad I found this post a day after reading the article about the married man. And it made me feel better. Sometimes we all have to believe in our better half and trust that he wouldn't do things to hurt us. And I think it if a couples work on communication and trust, all might be well. Thanks Elisa Taufik for her enlightening and positive post.

Me when Hubby is On Call

Taken from c0m!cs.c0m

E-mails

Sometimes it can get annoying when you've written many many emails to friends back home but they don't bother to write back. This is not the first time I've felt this way. Back when I was doing my undergraduate degree in the UK I felt the same way. I would spend at least half an hour writing about my life and asking about what's been going on in good ole KL but I wouldn't get an instant reply. Once in a few months one of my friends would write but it really didn't feel as good as those emails that I would get everyday as a reply to an email I had written. The emails that came once a month or every few months felt detached, like a summary of the important things that happened over the few months. It would be oh, we had a gathering at such and such place and had a good time. But the emails felt impersonal. I don't know why... but after 5 emails of "oh, we hung out at _____ the other day with ___, ____, _____ and _____ and wish that you were here..." it gets kind of boring. I want to know the little things that they're talking about. I wanna know what life is like for them over there. I want to know their thoughts and feelings, their ups and downs, their highs and lows. But maybe I'm asking for too much?

I've been told that it's very easy to connect to my emails, that I write pretty well. Maybe it's just coz I like to write. Maybe it depends on my mood....but I have been told many times that I express myself very well through my writing. I'm not quite sure everybody has that bit of talent (hah, perasan lah pulak). I also realize that when one is back in "happening" KL, one gets way too busy with work, family, the mamak, sale carnivals, weddings, late nights and tv that one has very little time to spend in front of a pc, writing an email. Even I know I get too busy sometimes to stay in front of a pc to write emails to friends all around the world when I'm back in KL. But I know I made the effort. Say for instance when a friend, E left for the UK. Oh I was the only one who wrote to her every night or every other night coz I knew how much it meant to get an email from friends back home. And a friend N who studies in Australia has learnt how much communication between friends is important too. I hate to say it, but she was one who always had an excuse for why she didn't write to me or why she didn't send photos that she promised to send. But now that she's in the same boat that I am, she has been the most reliable friend I can depend on to ensure that I'm still a part of her life. At least I feel that way anyway.

With the rest, I don't know. Everyday I don't get an email from them is a day I feel more detached from the close friendship I have(had?) with long time friends. It's very sad but I can't force them to write to me now can I? Oh, and since it's been a while that any of them have written, it's harder to start an email I'm sure. You know the feeling. The one where you don't know how to start an email coz you have to tell a particular story from the beginning because you haven't told your friend anything about a particular event in your life. Then you feel like you won't have the time to actually sit down and write this really long story from start to where it currently is. Finally you pacify yourself by saying that you would tell the story to your friend when he/she meets up with you in the future. So from now till then (maybe a month, maybe a year, maybe more than a year), the friend wonders if the friendship is going to be different now that two friends aren't communicating as much as they used to. Sure, it's not like meeting up everyday at the mamak to chat about ones day, but at least it's better than no communication at all.

Birthday Girl

This year I wasn't back in KL during the "summer break". And so, I didn't get to cut a birthday cake with my family. Last year I was in KL alone without hubby. And it felt wierd cutting a birthday cake without him but with family around. Now that I'm married there are so many things that I love doing but isn't loved that much by hubby or that I love doing with hubby but is something I think my family wouldn't fancy. Very wierd this life of month.

Nevertheless my birthday fell on a Saturday and hooray hooray, hubby didn't need to go to work. So we spent the whole day celebrating. I started getting phone calls from my family in KL and hubby's family in the US since Friday night. It was so nice coz I got to talk to all my brothers whom I don't normally get to have long chats with. So throughout the day, hubby took me around the city while I picked up the cellphone and started having long chats with the family. So maybe it's kinda sad that to celebrate my birthday I decided that I wasn't going to cook that day. I know, sad sad... but I wanted to celebrate and be out the whole day. Not having to come home and stand in front of a hot stove cooking something that smells foreign and have that smell stick to my hair and body. No no... this was going to be a smell-free and sweat-free day.

And so hubby complied. He took me out to lunch and dinner and we spent the day shopping (some new things for me and some new toys for him). It was definitely an enjoyable weekend. We even went biking and all that exercised made me feel good, real good. Healthy even.

Now that a wedding is coming up in the family hubby and I will have to make sure we get into shape. I don't think either of us would like to hear the same statement of how much we've gained weight over and over and over again from our relatives.

Wedding Bells

My brother's getting married! I am so so so excited. Can't believe that it's been 3 years (will be 3 years next week) since our whole family got together for my own wedding. It was the first wedding of the family so of course there were many things that we weren't sure of how to do. I think it'll be easier this time around coz mum knows what needs to be done and dad knows how much a wedding costs! heheee.... kesian daddy kena bayar mahal2 dulu masa my time. I was a bridezilla I tell you! I wanted things that were more expensive than the average price. I wanted the "upper class" service providers. Can you believe it? I was so bratty. But my mom was in on it too. She knew that things cost a fair bit if you wanted to be unique. Tak main lah recycle barang2 that other people have used! Mum even managed to talk our wedding planner into refurbishing the chair set for the pelamin. hohooo... I heard that the staff that dad hired from his office called mum a bossy bitch. How horrible... but really, mum is so nice. And I'm not being biased. Those staff members were not used to the high expectations that is expected at a big event. We all saw how lazy they were when they had to plan their own corporate functions. Dad was always coming home complaining about how unprofessional they were and how they had no drive to make things better.

Anyway, enough about me. So my brother is taking the big step. My brother's gf is A and well, I haven't really had the chance to bond with her. But I remember when my brother first thought of asking A to be his gf, he came to me to ask for advice. Moi... his elder sister whom he normally never came for support. (Yalah, I was not cool like his friends). See, A and bro would need to go through a long distance relationship coz A was leaving for her studies and well, my bro had one year left of his studies in a different country too. That was 4 years ago and now both he and A are done with their respective studies. My bro started work a year back and looks like they're ready to be a married couple. I really hope hubby and I can work our schedule out so that we can be back in KL for the wedding. I can't wait for hubby to come back from work today so that I can tell him the exciting news.