Eid Mubarak

Ok, its the night before syawal and I'm feeling a little bit lost, a little bit out of place. I miss the sounds of the takbir in Malaysia which can be heard all over the tv and from the local mosque. I guess I'm feeling like there's something missing here. Last year I remember being really homesick and feeling like it was unfair that I had to celebrate the joyous occassion without my family yet again. I thought of the years that my family would wake up and have breakfast together... go the mosque for our raya prayers together and then come back home to sit down and ask for forgiveness from each other. Then we would go to my grandma's house where we would meet all my cousins and aunties and uncles. We would all wish each other eid mubarak and ask for forgiveness and the party would begin. The little kids would run around making us laugh, the young ladies would sit together and catch up on each other's news, the young men would go around taking photographs and videos of all of us. The best thing was seeing my mom and her sisters with their mother chatting away. My cousins and I would be amazed at how similar their facial expressions were and how they all had the same sort of laugh. The first day of eid was definitely fun. In the evening we would pack up our bags and head for my dad's hometown. We would then spend a whole week there visiting relatives. It was bittersweet in a way. I hated the part where I would have to answer the same questions over and over again "What are you doing now?", "When are you getting married?" And now that I'm married "When are you going to have a baby?". But it was familiar and comforting knowing that the same ritual would happen every year. Year after year I would see my dad's aunts get older, and some, would pass away. My cousins would one by one get married and have children. And our family just grew and grew. Now that I'm away from all that, it feels quite odd.

Being away from Malaysia I've tried instilling the malay culture in our everyday lives. Hubby is very much a malay eventhough he's lived abroad all his life. He LOVES malay food. Even more than I do actually. And because of that, I've had to learn how to cook malay food. I'm enjoying it more and more. Throughout the ramadan I've tried to cook as much as I can, being as creative as I can. Today as I cooked the last meal we would eat this ramadan, hubby came up from behind me to give me an appreciative hug and kiss "Thank you for all that you've done this ramadan" he said. He knows it's a special month. He knows it's special eventhough we live here without the ramadan bazaars, the sounds of the terawih prayers from the mosque and the sounds of hari raya songs being played on the radio and in the shopping complexes. Today he seemed quite nostalgic as he thought about how he grew up celebrating raya in this foreign land. It was quite the same as he would don his baju melayu and join the other malaysians here for prayers and a gathering. But the celebrations always lasted only on that day , and then maybe the weekends that followed.

Tomorrow all we're doing to greet the special day is to join the others at the local mosque for the eid prayers. Hubby then has to go to work. I on the other hand will try to spend some time with the Indonesians and one other Malaysian girl I know here. Hopefully it'll be fun. I'm not inviting anyone over to our home as it just doesn't feel right with hubby working and me having to go to class in the evening till 11pm. So maybe that's why I feel as thought it's not really raya. I'm itching to cook and make a feast for all of us to eat - the lemang, the lontong, the kuah kacang.... but it's not the right time. I think I'll try having some people over on the weekend. Maybe it'll bring some cheer to this heavy heart. I still wish I could be back in Malaysia for the festivities. But you know what? that wish isn't as heavy as it was a year ago. Maybe I'll start getting used to celebrating this special occassion away from family and friends. After all, hubby and I should start our own little celebration tradition. I look forward to that.

Happy Eid everybody.