9/11

I woke up this morning not realizing that it was the 5th anniversary of Sept 11th. Sure the news and radios have been reminding me about the anniversary all week but I didn't think that we were going to be bombarded with images and sounds of the day itself. I am feeling somewhat angry because the events of Sept 11th have changed the perception people have towards my religion and my life has changed so much because of that biased perception.

I'm not pious nor extremely religious but my heart breaks whenever people make jokes about hubby being a t3rr0r!st just because of his religion. I hate the fact that due to what happened on that day it is harder for us innocent people to get into the country to pursue our studies or visit loved ones. I feel cautious about letting anyone know about my religion. In the past the person asking or hearing my statement about my religion become uncomfortable. I can see it in their face and thier expression. All of a sudden the conversation becomes akward. Sudenly there's nothing to talk about. I know what they're thinking.

I'm not blaming the people over here only either. Because of what the leader of this country decided to do as a retalition of what happened to their country, people around the world look at the country and smirk. A visit to KL will never be complete without at least one person pulling me aside and telling me about how much they hate the YOU ASS of A. As if I care so much for this country either. Relatives who don't know any better tell me "I don't like your president". Uuhh.. hello? He's not my president. I don't even have the right to vote for him.

See I can never win. Over here people look at me in disgust because of my religion eventhough I I will never or have never had the same beliefs the people responsible for the attack have! They don't ask about how I feel. No, they just assume because of my belief in the religion, I must surely have the same opinion of those people. On the other hand, back home, my own relatives think that because I'm living in this country, I must surely approve the war and the decisions that the leader of this country makes. They look at me and I know they can't believe that I would leave my own family and home to live in a country that tries to control the world.

I was in NY city when the attacks happened. I was supposed to be in the city for a few days for a short vacation. I saw the images of the crashes, the collapses and the rescues on tv in real time. I was waiting for the department store across the towers to open and was watching tv when I saw what happened. Suffice to say I was glued to the tv the whole day and many days after that. The streets of NY were completely empty which I've never seen. Relatives and friends were worried about my safety and I'm glad I was able to make a phone call out to those people around the world to let them know that I was safe. Instead of being in NY for 2 days, I ended up being stuck in the city for a whole week because there was no way I could get out as flights were all cancelled. I am grateful for a family friend who housed me for the whole week I was trapped in the city. While I was downtown I tried to film what was happening in the city. Even on the day of what happened you could feel the hate Americans had for this immigrant in their city. Someone came up to me to say "This is War". Yeah. What would you say to that person if you were me? I was trapped, I wanted to keep a low profile and hey, I was sad too of what was happening. I don't know why the person was blaming me for what happened. I guess they were just waiting for a reason to openly show their hate for someone who's different than them. Anyway, ever since that day everytime I pass through airports or securty checks I get sent to a secondary line because of name.

Right now the tv stations are showing a real life account of what happened on that day. I don't want to relive the events. It reminds me where exactly I was and what I was doing too. But the reminders are everywhere. Even with the tv and radio switched off, the sirens of the firetrucks and the policemen around my house go off at each major event (the planes crashing, the towers collapsing). No matter how much I don't want to think about it, I can't.

And I'll bet you that the treatment I get from people here will probably change tomorrow. After all, it's hard to feel friendly to a person who's associated to the people everyone here hate. If only they knew I feel the same way they do.