This relationship that I have with my husband is my only relationship with another person of the opposite sex. Looking back I think I did a lot of things that people in their first relationship would do. I suppose you could call me a novice. Never had a boyfriend when I was in school, didn't like the guys who liked me in college, never got the guy who I liked... all the while my girlfriends would all switch from one guy to another or stayed with the one guy that they found when they were 16. So I learned how I thought a girlfriend should act through them. Learn by observation you would say.
So anyway, I was just contemplating the things I did with hubby when we were dating and I know that a lot of them I wouldn't do had it been my second relationship. I was always snooping around trying to find out about his past and got angry or jealous when I found out what he received from his ex-girlfriends or what things he kept from his previous relationships. I would even get angry over a box of pictures of his ex-girlfriends that he was throwing out coz I couldn't stand the fact that he had been with all these other girls before he met me. I just didn't know how to control my jealousy (malay people say marah tak bertempat).
But this one issue I feel like I should have the right to be angry. You see, the first month hubby and I met and started dating, he started receiving calls from one of his ex-girlfriends who sounded like she wanted to get back with him. (I say sounded coz he could've said anything back then and I would've believed him. First boyfriend and all - I'm naive remember?). Even back then I remember he was always open with me and he talked to about how to go about handling the situation. I suppose he wanted to know for sure whether I was serious about being with him and whether he should cut off all communication with her since he was with me. Well, me in my roundabout way made it seem like it was his decision and that I would be ok if he decided that we shouldn't be together. It was only our first month ok.... I didn't want to be possessive. I didn't think I had the right to "own" him. So anyway, we decided to give the relationship a try and to be more serious so the ex-gf was told to back off. I thought that was the end of it.
Nooooooooooooo it just had to be more complicated. Throughout our relationship hubby would tell me that his ex called again and that she was begging to get back with him or that she baked cookies for him on his bday or that she wanted to fly out and meet him. We were all on different continents then. Hubby and me doing this long distance relationship. I got so f*ing fedup that I told him off. If he was a man and that he really loved me, he would tell her to stop it once and for all. I think in a wierd way hubby felt good that he had these two girls "fighting" for him. On the day he said that she was planning to fly out to meet him he asked what I would do if she really did show up at his doorstep. I said "I'm not going to fight for you. If you want to be with her then I would let you go". Like, DUH! I'm not going to waste my time fighting for someone who doesn't really really want to be with me. I think that's one of my proudest moments as a girlfriend. I felt quite mature and in control. Plus what happened next turned towards my advantage. Hubby told me that he finally told the ex-gf off in a way that she stopped trying. We moved on, He asked me to marry him and here we are together.
And now - the reason I feel that I should still be mad at this person. She's still in our life!!!!!!!! No, not that way.... she's not trying to get hubby away from me. But what are the chances that she has to join this little community that we've built away from home - Well, we didn't build it. More like, it's the only community that hubby grew up with when he grew up here. Bloody hell ok.... the person converted into our religion, started hanging out with the very same people I was starting to get to know when I first moved here, actually married someone within the community and now is at every bloody function that the community holds and organizes. Everytime I see her hubby says it shows in my face that I don't like her. We don't think that anyone else in the community know that he and her used to be together (remember, she's much older than he is). Oh, hubby's mom knows of course and she's on my side. :p I suppose that person's husband knows if she told him but hmph, u never know. These malay communities.... for all I know everyobdy there knows.
I just can't help but feel so annoyed whenever I see her. I've tried to be civil, but I know it's fake. I try to smile when deep down I'm boiling mad. I told hubby last night, I just can't help it. I mean, is it me? Really, coz if it's me someone has to teach me or show me how to act. Maybe I'm being immature. I've never learned the lesson about "How to control your emotions when his ex-g is in the same room". Look it at from my point of view. How DARE she call you and cry about you forgetting her birthday when she knew you were with me. How DARE she try to win you back when she knew that you and I were together. How DARE she even THINK about visiting you when she knew that I wasn't physically there and you could've just said, come over and I woudn't have known about it. AFTER ALL that she's done, she's the mature one? She's the one that makes the first move to want to get to know me? She wants to be friends? Oh now she's the one who's all happy for you that you've found the person you love and that she's happy for our marriage!? Bullshit! Yeah right..... malu lah sikit ok? I won him. I WON. YOU LOST. Don't go pretending that you're over it. F* Off. I WON.
So sue me for not knowing how to act around her.
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Addition:
After blowing off steam I realize all this is not worth getting angry over. There are so many more important things in life. I just hope I can chant that in my head the next time I see her.
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OK I did say I was a novice right with this whole relationship thing? The other thing you should know about me is that I have this awful way of realizing why I feel a certain way days after I scream my heart out about it. So, just to set the record straight:
I USED to be jealous of hubby's ex-girflfriends, but I recognize the fact that he has a past and he cannot change that past. His past also paved his way to me so I wouldn't ask him to change anything that he did before he met me.
I do however, have a thing about his one ex who came into our life when she knew full well that he didn't want to be with her anymore and that he and I were together. I feel that she did not have any respect for me then. And so I find it hard to show her any respect now, even if she acts all sweet and friendly. Eventhough she is now married and with her own child. I don't trust her. She chose to join our community hence once again imposing on my personal space and and comfort level.
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