I thought I had a good handle on my emotions when it came to living so far away in a foreign country. I have established a stable home and created a pleasant life for me here. Things are going well and it makes me happy. But once in a while I come across pictures of friends and family in KL and I feel almost a pang of envy. I feel so left out and disconnected from the life that's going on over there. It hits me really hard and always unexpectedly. I yearn to be a part of the lives of my friends and family but at the same time I don't want to let go of the life I have here. I worked so hard to make it as good as it is and I don't want it to disappear.
Today I found a friend's blog. I haven't kept in touch with her for a while but I've heard that she's married and has a one year old daughter. On her blog she posted pictures of herself and her daughter and the things they've been doing. One of the albums was of her meeting up with other friends who all had children too. They were my classmates in school and it was just an outing to a restaurant. But all of them brought their children. I didn't know that some of them had children and seeing the pictures of all of them just made me feel like I've been left out somehow. I mean, it's not like they're my best friends u know? And even if I were in Malaysia I wouldn't be hanging out with them on a constant basis. But it was amazing looking at the smiles, the laughters and the playful moments the children all had with each other and their mothers. I want that. I want to be able to share my moments with my friends that I grew up with. I want to attend a birthday party for a child of a friend of mine. I want to be able to bring my child to that party and to interact with all the people that are familiar to me.
Even if I were to have a child here, I'll never be able to have the whole 'let's have a party and invite all our friends and their kids too' occasion. Even if we had a group of people that we would do that with, it will never ever be comparable to celebrate and live life with the familiar faces back in KL. At times like this, I wish hubby and I were living in Malaysia and enjoying the sunshine, the family members, the friends and the whole KL culture that sometimes we complain about.
Hujan emas di negeri orang, hujan batu di negeri sendiri..... (you fill in the blanks).
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Thoughts of a KLite living with her hubby in a foreign country. Mostly a place for me to express my feelings. Some of them are those I would never utter to anyone else. But I need an outlet for my emotions. It keeps me strong.
2 comments:
for all you know, your friends in Msia envy you too. No kids - jolly sakan, body maintain and they don't get the opportunity to learn about other country (and live there) like you do.
Chin up!
rotidua - so true... i never know what my friends could be thinking. those moments of envy come very far apart and very briefly that i don't normally think about it for too long. i've never been a positive person, but i sure have been trying hard ever since i've been away in this foreign land. thanks for the chin up! :)
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